With Spring Break approaching, and my ever-present need to pretend I’m still allotted a Spring Break, the task of purchasing a bathing suit is upon me. I have successfully avoided most bathing suit situations for the past few years, but unless I feel like wasting the time I have scheduled in the sun I better figure something out fast!
I know what kind of suits I like, that isn’t necessarily the problem. I used to have a great new suit every summer. Suits that really framed the jiggle as I sauntered to the end of the grumpy neighbor’s dock on majestic Rose Lake. Not only have I since lost that adolescent cockiness (sometimes mistaken for confidence), but I’ve found at least 40 pounds along the trail to adulthood. If it were up to me (and it is) I’d simply continue with my fashion blinders on and go with whatever is “in” at the moment. However, as well as those extra pounds, I’ve picked up a keener sense of what might activate a stranger’s gag reflex. With that in mind I must embark on my journey to the swimwear section of my local department store and search for…what then?
A wetsuit? A Victorian-inspired chastity suit? Something with a full skirt, perhaps? I’m at a loss and I need help. Serious help.
I encourage any and all who read this entry to submit your suggestions. The funnier the better.
*Actually helpful suggestions not necessary.