Well, I did it. I found a bathing suit that seems to cover all of the “unmentionables” and is at least somewhat aesthetically pleasing. I have this problem where I think I look much better, day-to-day, than I actually do. For example, I keep picturing a buxom 50’s pin-up in the new bathing suit I purchased. The reality, however, is more like a lumpy, plumpy bull dyke (not that there’s anything wrong with that). In order for you all to get a better idea of what happens inside my delusional mind, I’ve drawn you a picture. Just imagine it as if it were drawn well.
<—This is what I see in my head when I think of myself wearing the bathing suit. See? Buxom. (I can’t draw arms…can you tell?
—>This depicts what I actually look like, often not realized until captured on film. I’m still on the fence about whether or not I just instantly turn into an ogre whenever anyone points a camera at me, or if I really do walk around looking like this every day. I pray for the former.
Yes, it’s quite disturbing, I know. This happens every day, everywhere I go and with whatever I wear. In my head I look amazing and I walk around with a strut to match. It is only when I get a glimpse of myself on video or in a picture that the harsh reality of my appearance rears its ugly head. However tragic this may be, I still find it amusing and I hope you all do too!