It has been another long while since I’ve blogged, so brace yourselves for a novella. I’m not sure I can keep it short this time. I promised to get back into the blogosphere as soon as I got home from Spring Break. I had every intention of chronicling my SB festivities via blog the second I returned to this cold and dreary state but alas, I failed. Now, I’ll do my best to recap not only Spring Break, but this past week’s adventures as well.
My sister and I flew into Tampa, FL last week Wednesday and had the pleasure of going from a rickety airplane to a dirty shuttle-van. In an effort to save money, I booked a shuttle to take us the 30 miles to the beach rather than taking a cab. Not only did the ride from the airport take almost two hours (we were the last stop), we were shoved in the back of the van to make room for the geriatric brigade who would dominate the conversation with the hottest retirement-community gossip for the entirety of the ride. I tried to chime in with what I thought were pretty witty comments but was shut down with disapproving looks. I guess I’m just one of the “kids these days” after all.
Once we finally reached our destination (after dark) we were shown straight to the studio apartment we were renting for the remainder of the week and told we could “check in” in the morning. We were starving at that point and found our way down the main street in Indian Rocks Beach to a restaurant called Keegan’s. It was a seafood restaurant that had been featured on the Food Network’s “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives”. That was possibly the most exciting thing that happened to me on the trip. I love the Food Network. I had the best crab cakes I’ve ever eaten and my sister tried to set aside her aversion to seafood in the spirit of Spring Break and ordered the Mahi Mahi sandwich. She ate half of it, with a pained expression on her face and multiple comments about the “texture”.
After dinner we found ourselves searching, nay, yearning for a liquor store so that we could secure some champagne and orange juice for the requisite vacation breakfast: Mimosas. There was no liquor store to be found, so we settled for a bar about a block from our hotel. They sold us a bottle of champagne and gave us a plastic cup full of OJ with a plastic glove as a lid for mess-free transportation. That wasn’t even the least classy part of our trip.
The next day brought rain and wind so we ventured to yet another local bar for some lunch and day-drinking. My sister enjoyed an obscenely large burger and I dove into some fish and chips. Upon suggestion of the bartender, we tried a micro-brew called “Arrogant Bastard” which I loved and my sister hated. She hates everything delicious. The beers turned into more beers and chats with the locals. The bartender is from Seaside Heights, NJ and that really piqued my stalker interest. Evidently, the shore belonged to the Irish before the Italians tanned and greased it up. He felt very strongly that we who watch Jersey Shore should know that. Danny the bartender was very accommodating, albeit slightly prejudiced, and welcomed the Williams Sisters with open arms and a liberal pour. We also met two middle-aged ladies we presumed to be lesbians (which was later confirmed when one of them mentioned sticking her tongue in Kesha’s mouth) who were gross. Just gross. Rounding out our experience with the bar regulars was Ricky, a tiny dwarf of a man returning from a court date where he learned the fate of his pending restraining order. It seems our friend Ricky had recently pulled a knife on his landlord for undisclosed reasons. He was a friendly chap. When we finally left the pub after a few hours of day-drinking, the only logical next step was a quick swim. The salt-content in the water weirded me out immensely. I know that the oceans are salt water. I know that in theory. I just don’t like the reality of it. Give me Lake Michigan any day! When we returned to our hotel room we took showers and naps and woke up just in time for Jersey Shore and pizza. Then we went back to bed.
This is all I have the energy for at the moment. Stay tuned for Part 2 of the Spring Break saga!