Let me start by saying that you and I have had a long life together. We’ve been through a lot, you and I. I’ll admit that though things started off rough with the once-upon-a-dreams that assured me I was safely in the bathroom, lately it has been I who throws the first stone. I just feel that it’s only right for me to fight back, and I don’t think you’re taking it very graciously.
If I’m being completely honest, (and I think we owe each other that much) I don’t feel as if I’m being unreasonable. We had some good times in the past. Your inability to hold caffeine has brought me many much-needed breaks from the computer but lately, you’re taking it too far. I’m afraid you’ve become a bit of a whiner.
Please understand that I need caffeine throughout the day. I need it to survive and to be effective at my job and at school. Your incessant nagging has begun to get me odd looks and inquiries about your health. If you don’t get a hold of yourself and learn to cope with my new relationship with Caffeine, I fear that pregnancy rumors are on the horizon. Do you want that? I certainly don’t want to field those questions (although, it would put the lesbian rumors to rest for a bit).
In closing, bladder, I would really appreciate if you could toughen up. Just be courteous of me and of your neighbors and I think we can get through this rough patch. I think if you really put forth an effort, you and caffeine can learn to love each other.
My fondest affections,