My Would-Be Harem

This morning’s Royal nuptials elicited several thoughts and emotions from me. I was interested in the festivities because I am of course, a woman, but there was a bittersweetness to it as well. When I was 12 and 13 years old I honestly thought that I would marry Prince William (or Wills, as I affectionately called him) one day. Short of a homicide and/or cleverly planned adultery ruse I doubt that will be happening in my lifetime. I suppose I should be grateful, since Wills looks a lot more like his dad these days…I give you, the Wills I loved:

And the one I’m ok with letting go:

After coming to terms with the reality that I will never be Princess Bettie I started thinking about all of the other boys I swore I would marry one day. I’m not sure if I planned to divorce a lot or slide in on the fun side of the law with multiples but I sure had a TON of future husbands in my pre-teen and early teen years.

For your enjoyment, I give you: My past future husbands

Corey Haim. The better looking of the famed ’80s “Coreys” was one of my first loves. He dazzled me in The Lost Boys and then faded from my life during the ’90s. News of his death was terrible, but I honestly thought it had happened much earlier. I mean…look at him late in his life:

I’m not sure how drug abuse makes your eyes crooked…but he apparently found a way!

To ease my transition away from the Coreys, I focused my attention on the New Kids on the Block. Most specifically (and most dear to my heart) was little Joe Mac. Joseph McIntyre for those who are unfamiliar with the curly-headed wonder.

He was adorable, and is no less so now (which is probably why I hate his wife and child so much…they ruined my chances!) Feast your eyes on THIS:

Dominating my movie choices and taking up residence (in poster form) on the underside of my desk in early elementary school were Andrew Keegan, Devon Sawa and Jonathon Taylor Thomas (JTT). I must have rewound the “towel scene” from Now and Then a billion times, and I know I’m not the only one!

I’m concerned about the speedo on Devon, but other than that…good looking kids! You can see why I was smitten. Obviously.

They’re not even too bad now, actually:

Some have wrinkled, some got amazingly gorgeous and some look a lot like Jon Bon Jovi.

My television experience was all about Boy Meets World and Growing Pains. Leonardo DiCaprio and Rider Strong rocked my pre-teen world! Looking back, they epitomized the ’90s and my affinity for that particular hairstyle.

We all know what Leo looks like now (basically the same. That man never ages. In fact, I’m pretty sure he was 25 in the above picture…) but who’s seen Rider Strong in the last ten years? Ladies, prepare yourselves for a fe-boner:

Yeah. I know. I warned you.

Musically, my taste tended to stick with only boybands. I did enjoy groups who pretended they weren’t boybands because they were black, but still…boybands. I LOVED Marques Housten from Immature and Shawn Stockman from Boyz II Men. Of course, I was also obsessed with Nick Carter and Justin Timberlake (but I still am…so I don’t feel it is right to include them in my “would-be” category. There’s still hope!) Here’s the chocolate love I wanted before I really understood what that connotes:

Shawn Stockman was fully clothed in all of his pictures…so I chose simply to show you little Marques vs. the Marques I’d STILL drive around the block. Whatever that’s supposed to mean.

Well readers, as you can see I had quite the imagination when I was younger. Most of that imagination (sick or otherwise) has stuck with me throughout the years and I still fully intend to marry someone famous. Or at least “snog” one. Looking back though, many of the boys I swore I’d marry resembled pretty girls more so than hot guys. Especially this one:

I was recently reassured that he is indeed a man, however, when I saw Hanson in concert and Taylor looked like this:

Oh yeah. It almost makes me ok with the fact that he has a wife of many years and a gaggle of kids. Sick.

That’s it blogosphere, that’s my little trip down memory lane and bigamy. I hope you enjoyed yourselves!


4 thoughts on “My Would-Be Harem

  1. Ash-hole says:

    One of my favorite blogs EVER. I enjoyed seeing adult Devon Sawa. And Ryder Strong? Dang! This definitely made my day!

  2. KDV says:

    I laughed so hard I cried… and I’m pretty sure I got my first “fe-boner” just like you warned. Hahahahahahahahaha!

  3. BigL says:

    This blog is horrible! I have been running through my mind all of those “dreamy” guys that I fully intended to change my last name for…turns out that Leif Garret, Scott Baio, & Willie Aames are not in the “fe-boner” caliber of Rider Strong! Alas! there is always Brad Pitt, or Richard Gere? lol!

  4. nikkigsblog says:

    First of all the fact that you and I 100% crushed on the same men in our youth further proves why we were meant to be friends. And #2 don’t give up on your dreams too soon- I mean.. I hate to keep bringing it up.. but Taylor Hanson DID say he wanted to marry me last month… if that’s not an invitation to help produces 500 more hanson babies.. I’m not sure what is… lamo

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