How to Make Friends in Factories

When you work with mostly middle-aged, married men it can be hard to find common ground or conversation topics. My boss and I get along great and could chat all day about music, movies or just whatever. The men, however, are foreign beings. They like smoking, drinking and tinkering with things outdoors. They crack jokes that would make Larry the Cable Guy roll his eyes and call female parts things like “taters” (eww). I have no “in” and generally don’t desire to strike up a conversation with them.

Today, I realized that if I want every single person in this factory to stop and talk to me, all I have to do is put on a pair of sky-high heels. It confuses and intrigues them and they simply can’t resist stopping to ask me about them or make claims like, “Hey! You’re taller than me in those!” Yes. Yes I am. These are 5” heels but you’re only 5’9” to begin with. So…I’m not sure where the shock factor is coming from. I just smile, nod and say, “Yep. These are tall” from my 6’1” vantage point. “They’re also yellow, in case you wanted to continue saying things that are true.” I’m smug. What can I say?

Tall shoes make you tall

A few of the more interesting (and most socially awkward) men asked me strange questions like, “do those work out your calves?” and I honestly don’t know how to respond. I mean, yes? It works muscles differently when you walk on the balls of your feet like a Barbie doll. It also makes my bum more perky and forces me to walk with a hip switch rather than my usual shuffle. But I didn’t get into that. No need to introduce ideas about my perky (or non-perky) body parts to the strange dudes lurking around the dark corners of this factory.

You may be asking why I would wear divalicious shoes to a dark and dirty factory. That’s a valid question. This is me re-training myself to be fabulous. I have spent the majority of the summer in flip-flops and I’ve gone soft. (So tempted to make a penis joke here). I need stiletto boot camp if I’m going to continue stomping around the city in ridiculous heels. After all, flat shoes are for quitters.



One thought on “How to Make Friends in Factories

  1. BigL says:

    Perhaps if I start wearing 5″ Heels (which by the way would make me 6’7″) it would deter the darknes dwellers from entering my space & referring to me as an ex-wife of theirs (which I am Thankfully not!)
    Power to the Heels! Perhaps P-90-X is your next conquest!

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