Sometimes You Have to Choose

My laziness gets the best of me often. I’m forced to make choices on a daily basis that not only affect what I look like, but what I accomplish in life as well.

The daily choice-making begins immediately when my alarm clock goes off at 6:00 am. Every time, without fail, I make the choice to hit snooze until 6:30 am. Then, when the alarm goes off again I make the choice to hit snooze until 6:45 am. Then, when the alarm goes off again I rationalize whether or not I really need to take a shower or if I can just wait until I get home from work (and then not do it either). Then, I hit snooze again until 7:00 am at which point I quickly rationalize whether I need to wear makeup, and if I think there are clean clothes within arm’s length of my bed. If I think there are, and that I can get away with a “fresh-faced” look, I hit snooze until 7:15. If I don’t get up at 7:15, I’m not getting to work on time. Period.

On mornings when I have a bit more zest for life (and if my hair really needs to be washed) I’ll stop the snooze-fest at 6:50 am to get in the shower. I set my alarm originally for 6:30 to get in the shower, but as you’ve seen above, I rationalize until the absolute latest moment I can get up and get in there.

This morning I really needed to get up and wash my hair since I have to hit it with some more blue hair dye after work and it needs to be as clean as possible for that to happen. I begrudgingly tore myself out of bed at 6:50 (6:52) and dragged my feet to the bathroom to get in the shower. Once the water hit my face I realized that I only had a total of 30 minutes to shower, get ready and get out the door for work so I had to make another important decision. Do I shave my legs? The only thing I had in mind to wear was a skirt, so rather than throw a kink in that round of rationalizations I decided to quickly shave my legs and see what time I had left when I got out.

If you’ve never weighed over 200 pounds then you don’t understand what an undertaking a simple shaving session can be. My legs are probably twice the surface area of yours and I have half the flexibility of a normal person. That combination makes for some pretty uncomfortable and sometimes life-threatening moments in the shower. Speed is not an option if I’d like to go about the rest of my morning without leaving a trail of blood in my wake. And I would very much like to go about the rest of my morning without leaving a trail of blood in my wake.

So, because I chose to shave my legs, I had to forego blowdrying my hair. There simply wasn’t enough time. Once I got out of the shower I had enough time to jump into my clothes, brush my teeth and slather my face with BB Cream before running out the door and cursing myself for not leaving enough time to stop and get coffee. It’s a fight to the finish, really. If I choose to take some time to do something that resembles self-grooming, then I have to leave something else out of my routine and therefore I’ll never look completely good. My hair air-dryed today and it looks ridiculous. I look like an older/fatter version of Thora Birch in Ghost World.

The resemblance is uncanny

The resemblance is uncanny

 

You might say, “Why don’t you just get up earlier?” And that’s a valid question to some people. But I’ve just written an entire blog post about hitting the snooze button, so you tell me. Is it an option? No. No it is not.

I’m doomed to have wavy hair on either my head or my legs.

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