So Hollywood

Hot on the heels of my last movie-related disappointment, came a stumbled-upon letter left on my front porch. It was stamped with the header of a local production company and asked residents of my neighborhood to please not park anywhere near our homes between the hours of 5 am and 10 pm the following day. At first I was irritated. Parking has been a nightmare all winter with odd/even days and the sheer lack of road space due to snow banks. Now this? After a deep breath and a near death slip-and-fall I read on to see that the production was seemingly legit, as it starred Jason Segel and Jesse Eisenberg. I’m a sucker for big names. Especially when one of those names belong to someone I recently dreamed I was*.

Marshall Ericson needs me to marry him. He told me in a dream.

Marshall Ericson needs me to marry him. He told me in a dream.

I went to work that day with stars in my eyes and of course, scenarios of grandeur coursing through my pop culture-obsessed mind. I love when movies film in Grand Rapids. I especially love it when those movies star people other than 50 Cent and Chris Klein. Over them! Granted, we’ve seen Jesse Eisenberg here before. He was in 30 Minutes or Less with my little boo, Aziz Ansari (who is in no real way, “my boo”). Yes, the movie was sort of terrible, but it was cool to see familiar GR landmarks while scoffing through it. I have a feeling this movie, which is called “The End of the Tour” and also stars Joan Cusack (bet you didn’t know that!) is not going to suck. It’s going to be great. And even if it isn’t, I’ll pretend that it is so I can save face. Obvi.

She definitely needs me to be her best friend.

She definitely needs me to be her best friend.

My boss was kind enough to give me the afternoon off on the day of filming. I had no real reason to be at home other than the hope that I would catch a glimpse of something or someone fantastic. My sister told me that she’d come over, though I don’t actually remember asking her to, and met me shortly after noon so that we could both casually pretend to be doing a series of things that required us to be outside. She smoked a cigarette, I finally took down the hanging bat from Halloween, she examined the mailbox, I brought in the empty recycling bin. We were pretty covert. The filming took place mostly inside the apartment building directly across the street so we didn’t see much other than Jesse Eisenberg skulking past quickly, on his way back to set from his trailer. He’s a very small man. Smaller than you’d think. Think of a really small dude right now. Got it? Smaller than that. We heard the echo of “ACTION!” and soon after, “CUT!” and that was all we needed to feel a part of the crazy business of show.

Uh. How small is Ellen Page?!

Uh. How small is Ellen Page?!

My roommate, Jasmine, knows the Location/Production Manager (cannot remember his actual title) of the film and he came over to chat with us last night. I had gone to watch Netflix in bed and was of course pantsless and makeupless when she texted me that he was coming over. I casually replied, “Oh, well I guess I should put pants on.” But what I meant was that I would rush downstairs, straighten my hair, put on full makeup in a way that looked like I was just naturally full-lashed and rosy-cheeked, pick out a PJ “outfit” that looked both casual and hip and position myself on the couch with a Chai Latte in hand. He’s in charge of stuff. I’m not sure what exactly, but some stuff. And if he needs help with stuff, I don’t want to be the girl who had no makeup and a grungy t-shirt on while I was stuffing my face with instant noodles. I wanted to be the classy/casual roommate who made him laugh and dazzled him with my myriad movie-related skills. You know, just in case.

We all chatted and laughed for about an hour until he basically said he either had to leave or fall asleep immediately. We once again mentioned for him to let us know if he (or Jason…) needed anything and bid him farewell.

For now, there are only more delusions of grandeur in my head, but if I keep up this “I’m Cool” charade, maybe it’ll be more. I bet Joan Cusack needs a wise-cracking best friend. Until my rise to fame and fortune, I’ll continue updating you all with my little scraps of “industry”. (Some of which include that Jason requested a Stella’s burger immediately upon arriving in GR, and that he’s newly sober after a breakup with Michelle Williams). You’re welcome.

*A few weeks ago I had a dream that I was Jason Segel. I had conversations as him, I ate hotdogs as him and I even had body image issues as him. It was really strange. But I feel as if we’re close now. I think that’s fair.


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